Sometimes in an effort to remind people of the cost of the cross, we withhold grace until we are sure they understand their sin. But it is in giving of our grace that we remind people that they need to go to Jesus to find their own. People understand their sin without our help. It’s grace they need help in understanding.This is so simple and profound. The message — more so, the real experience — of grace is much more powerful than reasons and threats. Fear may cause people to act and conform (or pretend to), but only love can capture their hearts and set them free. I can only live out these words if I know and experience the love of the Father myself.This came via a website called Brushed.orgit is written by a gentleman named Andy (no last name that I can find) that has chosen to serve the Lord in Orient. The quote itself comes from another author and blogger named Wayne Jacobsen.

I finally broken free. I finally escaped the lies that have kept me in bondage over the last month. It shouldn’t surprise me how easily I get snared by the lies the enemy tells me. I know the enemy. I should know better. Actually they aren’t lies they are truth, the master manipulator can use the Bible against us if we forget the whole truth.

The lies are simple for me to believe. What the enemy tells me (I am paraphrasing for the sake of decency and possibly clarity):
I am of the darkness
I am worth nothing
No matter what I do I will never be holy enough to be seen by God
I don’t deserve God’s forgiveness.
I turn away from God/I am an enemy of God
My life is leading to death/I should be dead

What right do I have to write about God? None!

Over and over the Bible talks about how unworthy man is and how we deserve God’s wrath. The enemy is right.

BUT

The enemy forgets… Sooner or later the whole truth comes out. Sooner or later his lies are exposed.

John 8:32And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”Romans 3:19   Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. 20Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. 21   But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished — 26he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

Ephesians 2:3All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. 4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by grace you have been saved. 6And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

The enemy is right I am of the darkness, I don’t deserve God’s love. My life of sin leads me to death and then the rest of the truth comes out.

I am a struggling Christian. I am a fighting Christian. I am not sure which term I appreciate more. My friend says that as a fighting Christian the “action” is more proactive. I struggle to remember the reason for the sacrifice Jesus Christ made. He did not die on the cross to condemn me to the wrath and anger of God. He died on the cross to take the dead and decaying people of the world and to make them alive and seen by the most Holy God. He chose to die on the cross to save a worthless, self-destructive person and gave him life.

Two of the books I have read most in the Bible are Romans 7 and 8. Romans 7 talks about the battle between the flesh which is worldly and the mind which is spiritual. I appreciated and found comfort in the fact that the great apostle Paul took the time to write about the war within him the war between his flesh and his spirit. Near the end of the book , verse 7:24 Paul cries out “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” This is where the enemy wants to leave us. He wants to leave us in abject misery.

Paul goes on:
25I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. Romans 8:1There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

Paul ends chapter 7 laying out the struggle of the Christian life and reminds us of the victory that Jesus Christ has won for us. A victory that he won and gave to us as a gift, which we flat out don’t deserve. Chapter 8 really explains what was won for us unworthy people. Christ freed us from the bondage of living in everlasting sin and brought us closer to our Father. He changed the relationship with God from Fearful Judge to loving Father.

The enemy wants us to believe that we are condemned to live a life of endless failure and decay, driving ourselves into deeper and deeper perversion. The truth is that there is a light out of the darkness. There is a pathway to true life, the life our Creator meant for us. A life with him.

This post came from a question that came from a friend of mine during a Bible study we were having on Hebrews 11, especially in reference to Abraham. We were talking about if God came and said to you, “pack up your things and move to china” would we do it. We all answered, based on the knowledge that we assumed it was “God”. My friend took us back one step and asked a startling question “how do we know that this ‘voice out of the darkness’ is really God and not the devil?” Would we know if it is God or the devil telling us to do something? It was a question that I could not leave alone. Here is my answer? What thoughts do you have?

The problem is not that satan is going to ask us to kill someone as in the case of Isaac and Abraham. You would know to test that right away. The problem is that satan is far more insidious than that. He is not going to be that direct. He is far more subtle than that. He masquerades as an angel of light. Satan’s strategy is to wear us down. Satan is patient. Each time we succumb to the enemy’s temptation, it erodes what God has built in us, takes us further away from God, and all that we know true, until someday killing someone seems to be right and what God wants. This is a very slippery path. I think it is why we are commanded not only to confess our sins but to repent, turn away from them. We must close and lock the door to satan.

Satan tempts us in order to make us fail (and turn away from God). God tests us in order to confirm our faith or prove our commitment. (NIV NEW Study Bible).

I think our circumstances are quite different than that of Abraham’s in a couple of different ways. First, our relationship with God is not as direct as it was with Abraham. Secondly we have not only the Bible, the Holy Spirit and a personal relationship with Christ to counsel and guide us. Thirdly I think Satan’s hold on the world is far stronger. Lastly Satan knows he lost the war, but he wants to make Christ’s victory as costly as possible. Personally I think the last point makes him far more dangerous.

The more I look at this, the more I realize how important your statement is. We cannot believe that some “voice out of the darkness” is necessarily God. I don’t think it is lack of faith to test something (in fact if we don’t test it, it maybe disobedience to God). God not only gave us the tools, but he gave us the command.

This leaves two questions(actually I have about 200)…
What do I test?:
Everything… Being more practical, Test anything that looks to be questionable, to be good to be true, anything that is shortcuts and makes things easier, and offers that “expire”. God never said it was going to be easy living the Christian life. Personally it has been one of the hardest, challenging and painful things I have ever done. It also has been one of the most beautiful and fulfilling.

How do I test?:
Pray about it. Pray strong, persistently and ask God for his strong guidance and discernment. Talk to your friends, your mentors, your parents and pray with them. Read and trust your Bible. Using the tools of Ephesians 6. Lastly the thing I am learning is submitting to God. (this of course leads me to another discussion about how do you fight through submission, love, truth, etc, )

Let me explain that a little better, I am not talking about submitting to the “suggestion”. I am talking about submitting to our Lord, our King, our Father, our Friend, our Guide. The One we know. The more I force a situation because “I” think it is good the more I screw it up. It is why I have been TRYING to submit and let him guide me, instead of trying to run my life myself.

1 Thessalonians 5:21 - Test everything. Hold on to the good.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewsing of your mind. Then you will be test and approve what God’s will is - his pleasing and perfect will.

1 John 4:1 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

Matthew 4:3-4 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

Hebrews 4:12-13 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul, and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight Everying is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him who we must give account.

I spent my whole life looking for something…
Looking for answers
Looking for purpose
Looking for love
Looking for solutions
Looking for Reason
Looking for Love
I know where to look now…

All I have to do is look up to my Father in Heaven,
my Savior, my King, the Lord in Heaven.

I just wonder why it is so hard to remember…

I haven’t written much in here this week because I haven’t had much to say. I am struggling with a lot of things in my life and not conducive to good blog entries.

I am not very good at any of this stuff that God wants me to do. I don’t know how to be a friend. I don’t know how to be part of a family. I don’t know how to love. I don’t know… anything.

I am a creature of the dark, creature of the world. I know the rules and they are easy. Apathy and selfishness. I am good at that. I know what that is all about. I don’t have to think. I don’t have to care.

I crave the darkness. I crave my sin. I crave all the things that I do that goes against God. I am nothing, I am zilch, I don’t count. I am an afterthought. I am a failure. I want to run away from Him. I don’t want to serve Him…

I don’t want to serve Him… and fail Him.

The thing that stops me cold…

He did choose me. I don’t know why. He sees something that He can use. He not only chose me. He died for me.

Why does Christ want me? Why did He choose me?!? What good am I to him?

It doesn’t matter why he chose me. Only that He did…

Dear Lord
I need to state this clearly. I need everyone to see it. I love you Lord, with all my heart and all my soul. There is no doubts in my relationship with You. You are my commander and I am your soldier.

Thousands of years ago you chose me. I can’t figure out for the life of me why you chose me. What good am I to you. I don’t understand. I am broken and weak. How do I serve you when I can’t take care of myself

I live in the world most of the time. I am trying to change. I am fighting against what sin does to me. I HATE the sin in me. I hate who I am. I hate what I do. I hate my rebellion against you. I hate the open defiance and the ease that I sin. I hate that I am so easily able to slam the door in your face every day. I hate how the enemy sneaks inside my head to convince me that sinning against you is a better idea than repenting. I hate the enemy how he can destroy what little beauty and love there is in my life and I am powerless to fight back against him. I hate how weak I am. There is no power or strength in Todd.

You endured abuse, torture and climb up on the cross for me. I don’t understand why you would care about me that much. I don’t understand why you would do that for an uncaring sin-filled filthy person. You climbed up on the cross and endured the nails going through your hand. Each nerve screaming hit of the hammer. You endured all of my sin. I barely can endure my own sin on a daily basis. You chose to take it all, all the sin of the world. You chose to take the punishment and make sure justice is served. I can’t understand. You so loved the world that you gave us everything.

It is only through your gift, the ransom you paid that it is possible to be seen as valuable to You and Your Father, you chose me. I am worthless but you forgive what I never could, you love me, who I could never love.

Questions upon Questions…

I give up my life to you, I submit to you. Lead me to the fight and I will serve and fight. I am Your broken warrior.

All Glory to You!

There is a place in my mind’s eye where I can kneel down at the foot of the cross of Christ. I come here to submit myself to my King

Something I needed to be reminded of today…

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I have spent most of my life wishing I was dead.

I just realized I succeeded.

I killed my old self when I put him on the cross with CHRIST.

I DIED only to be reborn a new creation in CHRIST!

You got to admit that someONE has a pretty ironic but very good sense of humor!

Living Waters Bible Camp has this instrument of torture called the tower.

It is 50 feet high, several climbing surfaces on it to get up and a zip line to come down. Supposedly the easiest way to climb up was a ladder made out of a telephone pole.

Someone was even kind of enough to provide me my own personal “torturer” a very strong-willed young lady got it in her head that I needed to climb the tower. I resisted for every reason I could think of. She went and got her mother to help encourage me (nag me, hound me, harass me, threaten me). I am sure that it was in the most Christian loving way possible. Just a word of advise, NEVER cross the women of this family, you ultimately will do what they want. I did!

I went got a harness on and started climbing up the telephone. I got 10-15 feet up and froze. I had a panic attack. I came down. I failed but wanted to try again next time.

Fast Forward to this summer
I really wanted to climb the tower. I wanted to make my friend proud and to go down the zipline with her. My friend’s family has been “encouraging me” about it for months and when the time came I was determined to get up this tower.

God had a different plan…

I started climbing and I got past the point where I stopped last year. I kept going. I climbed past the half way point and kept going.

Stop here for a second; What would of happened if I got to the top of the tower? My friend would of probably been proud of me or at the very least say some smart-alecy comment. We would of strapped on the harness for the zip line and went down having a good time. Nothing wrong with this scenario, but it would not be as memorable.

Of course that isn’t what happened…

I kept going until my hands and fingers were numb and that they had no strength in them. I could not hold myself steady using my hands in order to make the next step up the pole. I could not shake out the pain. I slipped, I fell probably not even a foot because I was locked into a harness contraption. I ended up hanging there until one of the most talented climbers I have ever seen came and strapped me into another harness and was lowered down to the ground. (This is what everyone else sees).

Let me give you a little more perspective on this:
I am strapped in 30 feet in the air, in pain both emotionally and physically. I can’t go up and I can’t go down because of the way the harness is. I slipped the harness stopped me from falling just like it was designed to do. The panic and depression started in on me. I couldn’t get up this stupid tower!! I felt like a failure. I felt useless. But only for a SECOND! I look up and there is my incredible friend giving me the exact words I needed to hear to “trust in the Lord“, encouraging me to pray, she was completely focused on me. I prayed. The Lord banished the feelings of failure and uselessness and I was able to focus on him.

When they lowered me down to the ground I fell to my knees and I praised God for being with me, for teaching me and reminding me.

My friend raced down the tower (I have no clue how) came over, in tears and told me how much she cared about me (I don’t think I will ever understand her, but am very thankful that she is my friend). I was in a fog lost within the experience. Trying to sort out everything that was happening.

God provided me with everything I needed that day. He provided me with courage and strength to attempt the climb (or was it fear of my friend and her mom ”encouraging me more“, if I didn’t try [ok so I am not funny]). He reminded me that at the worse of times, when I am most helpless I MUST depend on him. He provided me with the right person at the right time to be my friend, my encourager. That day changed me. It set me on a path where I decided I absolutely need to focus my life on God, his grace and love. It was the day when I realized that my depression could no longer rule my life. Depression will most likely be a part of my life for a long time to come and I have the Lord to help me battle against it, but I have a new ruler now, his name is Jesus Christ!

I am not sure if anyone will ever understand what a powerful and life changing experience that was for me. In one moment God showed me that He loved me and that I am to rely on HIM and on top of it that no matter what I want to believe I have people who care about me and love me.

Have no doubts I intend to try the tower again next summer. Either I will succeed or not, that will be up to God. When it is time for me to climb to the top of the tower, I have no doubt I will succeed because he will provide a way! (I am hoping there are not that many more lessons for me on the tower because I still have to do the swing (Yikes)).

I may have failed climbing the tower, but God has given me a much better gift.