Living Waters Bible Camp has this instrument of torture called the tower.
It is 50 feet high, several climbing surfaces on it to get up and a zip line to come down. Supposedly the easiest way to climb up was a ladder made out of a telephone pole.
Someone was even kind of enough to provide me my own personal “torturer” a very strong-willed young lady got it in her head that I needed to climb the tower. I resisted for every reason I could think of. She went and got her mother to help encourage me (nag me, hound me, harass me, threaten me). I am sure that it was in the most Christian loving way possible. Just a word of advise, NEVER cross the women of this family, you ultimately will do what they want. I did!
I went got a harness on and started climbing up the telephone. I got 10-15 feet up and froze. I had a panic attack. I came down. I failed but wanted to try again next time.
Fast Forward to this summer
I really wanted to climb the tower. I wanted to make my friend proud and to go down the zipline with her. My friend’s family has been “encouraging me” about it for months and when the time came I was determined to get up this tower.
God had a different plan…
I started climbing and I got past the point where I stopped last year. I kept going. I climbed past the half way point and kept going.
Stop here for a second; What would of happened if I got to the top of the tower? My friend would of probably been proud of me or at the very least say some smart-alecy comment. We would of strapped on the harness for the zip line and went down having a good time. Nothing wrong with this scenario, but it would not be as memorable.
Of course that isn’t what happened…
I kept going until my hands and fingers were numb and that they had no strength in them. I could not hold myself steady using my hands in order to make the next step up the pole. I could not shake out the pain. I slipped, I fell probably not even a foot because I was locked into a harness contraption. I ended up hanging there until one of the most talented climbers I have ever seen came and strapped me into another harness and was lowered down to the ground. (This is what everyone else sees).
Let me give you a little more perspective on this:
I am strapped in 30 feet in the air, in pain both emotionally and physically. I can’t go up and I can’t go down because of the way the harness is. I slipped the harness stopped me from falling just like it was designed to do. The panic and depression started in on me. I couldn’t get up this stupid tower!! I felt like a failure. I felt useless. But only for a SECOND! I look up and there is my incredible friend giving me the exact words I needed to hear to “trust in the Lord“, encouraging me to pray, she was completely focused on me. I prayed. The Lord banished the feelings of failure and uselessness and I was able to focus on him.
When they lowered me down to the ground I fell to my knees and I praised God for being with me, for teaching me and reminding me.
My friend raced down the tower (I have no clue how) came over, in tears and told me how much she cared about me (I don’t think I will ever understand her, but am very thankful that she is my friend). I was in a fog lost within the experience. Trying to sort out everything that was happening.
God provided me with everything I needed that day. He provided me with courage and strength to attempt the climb (or was it fear of my friend and her mom ”encouraging me more“, if I didn’t try [ok so I am not funny]). He reminded me that at the worse of times, when I am most helpless I MUST depend on him. He provided me with the right person at the right time to be my friend, my encourager. That day changed me. It set me on a path where I decided I absolutely need to focus my life on God, his grace and love. It was the day when I realized that my depression could no longer rule my life. Depression will most likely be a part of my life for a long time to come and I have the Lord to help me battle against it, but I have a new ruler now, his name is Jesus Christ!
I am not sure if anyone will ever understand what a powerful and life changing experience that was for me. In one moment God showed me that He loved me and that I am to rely on HIM and on top of it that no matter what I want to believe I have people who care about me and love me.
Have no doubts I intend to try the tower again next summer. Either I will succeed or not, that will be up to God. When it is time for me to climb to the top of the tower, I have no doubt I will succeed because he will provide a way! (I am hoping there are not that many more lessons for me on the tower because I still have to do the swing (Yikes)).
I may have failed climbing the tower, but God has given me a much better gift.
